Production? Entered. Financial Decisions? Bad. They're bad. (KYN #5 - August 2026 Edition)

    Hello, everybody! To start, I'm happy to announce that the Otachan video has officially entered production (or, at least, the editing stage, which is the stage that I actually start making what you'll end up watching)—which, if you've been keeping up with this video's horrifically turbulent development, may be a tad bit surprising. The Otapocalypse that took over my life from the early hours of July 2nd to the afternoon of July 3rd (not sure what I'm talking about? Read this), for the most part, was survived—though I'd certainly like argue that a small portion of my soul was lost along the way. The script isn't entirely done, but I'm happy to announce that the solidified portions have been recorded and are now being edited together.

    Overall, the events of the Otapocalypse didn't affect nearly as much as I thought they would, and I'm honestly very grateful that the whole ordeal even happened, as horrible and stressful as it was in the moment. The situation essentially forced me to go back to the drawing board, making me re-do my research under the assumption that every single word out of OtakuVs's mouth was a lie—an assumption which very quickly turned out to be, for the most part, true. I now believe I hold the largest repository of OtakuVs-related content on the internet; to call myself an OtakuVs scholar would be an understatement, and quite the insulting one at that. With this incredibly wide view of the channel and the man behind it—a view that, I remind you, I did not have when I set out on this horrible, terrible, awful, no-good journey—I have been able to refine my points and arguments in a way that I'm incredibly satisfied with. Though my thesis remains largely unchanged by this new research, it is now able to be supported in a much more effective way, and that's what it's all about at the end of the day.

    As for the video itself, I'm having a lot of fun with editing. It's not necessarily my favorite activity in the world—hey, pal, how about you try spending a whole night's work on two fucking minutes of a video—but, on the technical side of things, it's going quite well, and the technical side of things are the only side of things I can truly complain about. In my old videos, I used Vegas 14, and, mid-production of my last video (all the way back in December of 2024!), Vegas 15. Both, as Vegas is known to do, crashed incessantly. I'm happy to report that I've only experienced a single crash when it comes to my current editing software, Kdenlive. Any more, and I might just do something crazy! Haha! (<-- Cry for help.) Currently, my main issue is making the video distinct stylistically without being intrusive or making the editing experience any more strenuous and complicated. For now, I've settled for simply using fonts for any and all text on-screen that correspond to the media used in frame. It's cute, I think... I'm also considering putting an atrocious border around the entire screen, like how Scott the Woz does it. If anyone wants to design me an atrocious border for no payment whatsoever, hit me up. :).

 

Screencaps of the video, showcasing my insanely tedious method of citing media used as B-roll. Do you know how many fucking fonts I've had to download...? Why do people make you pay for fonts...???

     Alright, alright—I hear you. Who gives a shit about editing? I know what you're here for. Let's talk about my cosplay.

    So, for the uninitiated, one day, I had the horribly irresponsible idea to shoot a portion of the video in full Otachan cosplay—to my knowledge, the first in existence (don't correct me on that if you learn otherwise; let me have this). As it stands, the entirety of parts 3—The OtaTakeover—and 4—The Otapocalypse (not to be confused with the July 2nd, 2026 apocalyptic event of the same name)—are shot in two variations of the cosplay (her main and casual outfit respectively). This thing cost an embarassingly high amount of money, especially for what it looks like, coming in at a modest ~$70 USD. That may not seem like a lot in the grand scheme of things, but let me tell you, as someone whose soul leaves her fucking body whenever spending more than $30, it hurt a little. Still, it came in today, and I'm pretty excited to show it off! I shipped some early pics off to renowned cosplay critic AnthonyZoxide for initial thoughts, and he wrote that it "has potential for her sinister soul," whatever that means. Oh? You want to see it? HA! That costs extra. A showcase video is going up on my Patreon soon (when I can figure out how to fit the entire cosplay in the shot without it looking bad, anyway). For everyone else, you'll just have to wait, it seems... or get someone to leak it. That's a thing that happens, right? Sigh... I better make back the ~$200 put into this video so far. @ YouTube, give me a million dollars, please? Please? Please...?

    Finally, I'd like to once again address the state of this blog. July was okay, hitting nearly half of what I should be putting out, but that isn't a very high bar, now, is it? Frankly, I've been feeling quite depressed since the start of July, and I'm not entirely sure why. The worst of my moods come and go—I think the worst was just two days ago on August 1st, where I refused to get out of bed for hours, refused to speak for the majority of the day and, most inconsequentially but funniest of all, took a shower and was ambushed by some sort of cellar spider from which I cowered in a corner whilst crying and pleading for it to go away. Yes, feel bad for me; yes, I was born in a wet cardboard box all alone. Anyway, that colorful little picture is to showcase to you how my life has been going lately, and with that picture, I hope you can understand that I'm not exactly raring to go when it comes to this blog. I've made plenty of, like, 75% completed posts to be released on time, but I've never gone through with it. Unfortunately, the majority of this month's outputs will probably be those old posts. I'd like for them to see the light of day, that's all. I hope you can forgive my inactivity—I'm going through a lot at the moment, and while I certainly don't want your pity, I do want your understanding. This month, I'm going to try to hit every single post on schedule, even if its "old" content and thoughts of mine. Wait, what? I already missed Sunday? NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....

    Anyway, that's about it! As for the video's release date, optimistically, it'll be within the month; realistically, it'll be sometime in September. I've no clue how long the video will end up being, but, doing some Quick Math, it'll certainly be over an hour long, perhaps multiple. A preview of the video's introduction (which clocks in at around eleven minutes long) will be up on my Patreon whenever it's finished. I wish I had more to report, honestly... The bad thing about good news in these newsletters is that they don't make for particularly long or interesting posts. I mean, the Otapocalypse newsletter did numbers, man—it seems to be human nature to be fascinated by misfortune, but I'm not here to play into human nature (that's what I'd do if I placed ads on this blog; you think about that). As for me, though I'm obviously in a bit of a rough spot at the moment, I'll be chipping away at this video, and it'll be out before you know it. "Ota On!" Kim says, as she is immediately shot in the head by a CIA sniper from across the street. Her funeral is this Wednesday.

-Kim

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Should Deltarune Have an Easy Mode? (KQS #1)

     I love bullet hell games. This is something that, while maybe a little difficult to discern over my work on the internet, all of my friends know quite well. I love Touhou Project, I love CAVE games (particularly Deathsmiles), and I incessantly check the bullet hell tag on Itch.io for up-and-comers within the genre. In my opinion, despite how daunting the typical chaotic and frenzied gameplay of the genre appears, if you put some time into getting good at any given game, you'll very quickly find that the bullet hell has the potential to be one of the most rewarding, satisfying and fun genres of video games on the market. I tell you this to establish that I do not take issue with Deltarune for being "too difficult"—in fact, the game is, generally, in my experience, laughably easy. This is less of a talk about the design of Deltarune and more a talk about the damage neglecting to implement an "easy mode" within the game—a plea I've heard in increasing numbers throughout the past couple of day—actually causes. Now, let me be clear—this is not your standard difficulty accessibility discussion; Lord knows you've read enough of those. The question presented in this article's title, "should Deltarune have an easy mode," is fundamentally different from questions like "should Dark Souls have an easy mode." Deltarune, in its inclusion of bullet hell elements within its core gameplay systems, has essentially backed itself into this corner in a way that a Dark Souls has not, and furthermore, to deprive players of options pertaining to accessibility when it comes to the game's difficulty is to undermine the conventions of the genre it inhabits and, within this undermining, actively harm a player's ability to "get good" and, more importantly, have fun.

Konata vs. 100 Jevils.
The source image was already pretty compressed, so I did everyone a favour and compressed it even more. It's my artistic vision.

    To begin with, let's examine Deltarune's battle system—the heart of this debate. Much like its 2015 predecessor, Undertale, the game blends the genre conventions of JRPGs and bullet hell games to create a unique and interesting spin on the gameplay of both. In Deltarune, during the player's turn, they can do what you'd expect from any JRPG—fight, use an item, cast a spell, defend—as well as perform less conventional actions (originating from Undertale), namely personally interacting with an enemy via "ACT" commands, and, given these "ACT"s sufficiently endear the party to their foes, ending the battle peacefully. In the enemy's turn, instead of performing an attack that applies a flat damage penalty to any given party member, inflicting status effects or healing itself (your standard JRPG fare), a square-like border spins into frame as the enemies begin to assault the player (as represented by a small red heart, dubbed their "SOUL" (a clear homage to stylized depictions of player hit-boxes in bullet hell games)) with challenging bullet patterns that the player is meant to dodge and weave through; if they're hit, the enemy gets to deal damage, and if they aren't, the player is rewarded for their demonstration of skill by escaping the turn without any damage taken—a rare luxury in most JRPGs.

    Now, I find this battle system to be fascinating for many reasons—primarily, for its incredibly high skill ceiling. As not to bombard you with too much theory, within Deltarune, there is a vast disparity between the skill floor (the bare minimum amount of skill required to succeed) and the skill ceiling (the theoretical "perfect" performance). Bullet hell games tend to have a decently high skill floor, higher than most games, anyway; it's part of the appeal. Likewise, they have a massively high skill ceiling. For example, the games are visually daunting, leaving unsuspecting spectators in awe that you are even able to comprehend what is happening on screen, let alone survive it, and let alone style on them in the process. Deltarune breaks this trend by tying its punitive system to the party's health, allowing players to survive as many hits as their RPG prowess allows (as opposed to the three-to-five hits most other bullet hell games allow before sending your ass back to the title screen). Conversely, the potential for rewarding skill expression in the system is incredibly high—if you're good enough, as mentioned, you can escape a turn without any damage taken, along with gobs of TP, or Tension Points (rewarded for grazing bullets, a mode of skill expression common in bullet hell games), which translates to earning extra money at the end of a battle. So, what's the problem? Well, to me, as mentioned, there is no problem. I can probably count the times I've seriously been challenged in Deltarune on, like two, maybe three hands. However, if you'd remember, I'm a bullet hell aficionado. I'll be fine—I can dodge things like this without issue:

From Mushihimesama.
The astute players among the crowd will be able to tell that there were many issues afoot. Don't tell them that. Let them think that I'm cool, and incredibly good at scary-looking 2004 anime insect shooters.
Please. My lesbian nerd cred relies on this. Please.

     ... The truth is, this isn't about me. This is about people who, without the requisite experience with tougher games, struggle with Deltarune, because, even in its easiest form, the bullet hell is not an easy genre, nor is it one someone is capable of being innately good at. To even get by half-competently in a bullet hell is to put in hours upon hours of practice into it—refining your senses, developing your technique and controlling your nerves—and that's just not something that's currently possible within Deltarune for the sole reason that, if you're bad at the game, you die, and there's no way to progress; no second chance, no other option and no lighter difficulties to switch to. Unfortunately, this just isn't how bullet hells roll—and since Deltarune's gameplay is more "bullet hell" than it is "JRPG," it simply must conform to the conventions of the genre that, shockingly, exist for a reason.

    The way I like to onboard new bullet hell players is by sending them the link to the Taisei Project (a Touhou fan-game playable in your web browser) website and telling them to start a game on Lunatic difficulty while I spectate. I watch as they are utterly eviscerated—oftentimes, they're out of continues by the end of Stage 1. Then, I say, "Okay, maybe that's too hard for you. Let's try Hard mode, instead." Ditto. "Normal." Ditto, but they get further this time, maybe into Stage 2. "Easy." Ditto, but they get much further this time, maybe into Stage 3 or 4. By the time they persevere through Easy mode and get their first clear, they're hooked—and my work is done. Once they're done with Taisei Project, I recommend them other, more challenging games, and all is well. Now, imagine how this scenario I've lived many-a-time would play out if Lunatic was the only difficulty available. Can you imagine how fast they would have quit? Would you throw your baby into the deep end of a pool hoping it would swim if you knew you weren't able to pull them out of the water and teach them the normal way? The fact is, bullet hell games rely on easy modes to be learnable, and, more importantly, fun. I'm not saying some freak hasn't put Perfect Cherry Blossom's Lunatic mode on and just thugged it out before, but I definitely didn't do that, and I don't know anyone who did, either. There is no logical reason to assert that this is how everyone should be playing these games. Personally, I'll probably never touch the easy mode of a bullet hell game again in my life—I've graduated from needing them. Likewise, I've never played Deltarune and gone, "man, I sure do wish there was an easy mode right about now." However, the option is what enables growth within those who do need an easy mode—more than injecting a "pity  mode" after they die a couple of times to a boss ever could. Ask yourself: is getting pitied by the game fun to you? Sure, it's an alright gesture—giving the player healing items, lowering attack damage and more after a boss defeats the player—but it strips the player of their agency, and it won't help them grow in the long run; what a player needs is the ability to, at will, cut their losses and decide to lower the difficulty of the game until their skills are refined to the point where they feel comfortable raising the difficulty. At this point, they still get their shit kicked in, but they've now got the tools they need to persevere, and they come out of this higher difficulty better at the game than when they first deemed themselves ready to enter it.

    But who's to say that they need to be good at the game? At its core, Deltarune is a story-based RPG. There exists an eternal disconnect between its gameplay mechanics and its narrative, and while I enjoy both, there's a sizable amount of people who only care about the story—and that's fine! You paid $25 for this game, damn it; you should be allowed to play how you want. Love Spamton, and want to defeat his secret upgraded form, Spamton NEO? Well, if you suck at the game, you can kiss that dream goodbye. Are you big on the lore, and want to see what the Shadow Crystals end up unlocking in Chapter 6, but don't have the skill to defeat all five super-bosses required to obtain them? You're shit out of luck, buddy! I've had many friends straight-up quit the game upon entering a challenging segment, opting to run away with their tail between their legs and watch whatever scene was behind the fight they couldn't complete on YouTube. This simply would not be a problem with an easy mode—and, in my humble opinion, playing a video game you paid for is better than not playing a video game you paid for.

    There's also a conversation to be had here about how accessibility features like this would positively affect how disabled people are able to experience the game. Disabled himself, Fox (along with the rest of the development team) have shown great effort in making Deltarune accessible for people with all sorts of disabilities. For example, in Deltarune Chapter 4: Prophecy's Second Sanctuary area, Susie blindly follows who she believes to be her mentor, the Old Man, into the darkness. However, he acts strangely, refusing to speak to her and leading her further into the dark as you're forced to follow her—your screen now entirely black. In time, it is revealed that this was not the Old Man, but rather the Sound of Justice—a metal statue brought to life by Susie's creation of the Dark World. The ensuing fight, as the name suggests, takes place in near darkness, relying on numerous, rapid-fire directional sound cues to convey exactly when and where the player should block to survive the onslaught. The fight begins with some visual aid in the form of brief flashes of light in the direction of the oncoming bullets, as well as the ability to see bullets around you from a distance great enough to react without any sound cues at all; however, as the fight progresses, these visual aids eventually fade away, leaving the player to rely purely on their sense of sound. So... what if they're, y'know, deaf?

The Sound of Justice attacking Susie.

    Well, thankfully, they thought of that—alongside a seriously astounding combination of similarly impeding scenarios, ranging from something as drastic as severe hearing loss to something as mundane as having your headphones on backwards. Prior to the fight, as you follow Susie into the darkness, you begin to hear strange sounds in the distance. Susie will stop you and ask if you can hear a given sound, then, if you can, what direction it's coming from and what it sounds like. If you answer these questions incorrectly—telling her you can't hear them, that they come from the wrong side, that it sounds nothing like what it actually sounds like—the game will silently take note and, when the fight starts, prevent the aforementioned visual aids from disappearing. This is a wonderful feature which expertly balances accessibility and maintaining immersion—it's a truly seamless calibration system, and the simple act of opting not to remove visual aids when in doubt covers every possible scenario in one fell swoop. Personally, I'm not hard of hearing, but I'm incredibly poor with auditory processing—if you forced me to discern lyrics in songs without any sort of help at gunpoint, I'd probably just accept my fate—so, a lot of the time, I intentionally flag myself within the game's calibration to make the fight playable. Now, this solves a minor inconvenience. Imagine how helpful this is to deaf people, who would otherwise be entirely unable to complete this fight?

    However, Deltarune is strange in that it does not apply this thoughtfulness evenly; the Sound of Justice fight is an amazing example of how to smoothly integrate accessibility in video games, but Deltarune seems at time entirely incapable of following its own example. For instance, let's look at the "Simplify VFX" option in the settings menu. It is not made clear what this little thing does, but it's fair to assume that it disables visual effects that may trigger certain conditions like epilepsy or otherwise mitigate risk of eye-strain or motion sickness or "simplifies" intricate visual effects (like shaders) that may cause performance issues on sub-par hardware. It does none of these things. There's a cursory effort to achieve both (slowing down some specific instances parallax scrolling, reducing the brightness of flashes, removing complex animated backgrounds, and some more changes to minor elements—a full list can be found here) but the team's efforts diminish by the Chapter. By Chapter 4—a Chapter that makes liberal use of complex and potentially strenuous shaders? Toggling the option 'on' does nothing. By Chapter 5? It's not even there; it's replaced by the option to turn off Flowery's voice clips, and, later, to change the control scheme of the Chapter's 2D platforming gimmick. Ironically, yesterday, the team released a patch to Deltarune that "shoddily added" the "ability to permanently re-enable [Flowery's] Voice Clips ... if you lose to [Flowery] and have them disabled." Ironically, this change was clearly added because Flowery's boss fight regularly relies on his Voice Clips to act as audio cues for incoming attacks, rendering them vital to be enabled; this same consideration was evidently not extended to anyone hard of hearing, who probably need this grace more than people who simply thought Flowery's Voice Clips were annoying at the start of the Chapter and decided to disable them.

     It seems to me that Deltarune is in desperate need of an overhaul in accessibility—whether that's in regards to difficulty or not. Why is it that some people, like myself, get to play Deltarune happily and without issue, while others are unable to do the same? Why is it that I get to uncompromisingly experience the joy of Deltarune's story, but others are forced to quit the game and look a recording of it up on YouTube? Why is it that we both paid you the same amount of money?

-Kim
By the way, thanks to Triff for his Bluesky post on the matter. The thesis of this post was originally meant to be a reply to that one, but, upon running into the low-character-limit wall mid-post, I decided to escape my micro-blogging hell for once and return to my normal blog one.

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On Suselle, (ILU #2)

     On Wednesday, June 24th of 2026, acclaimed episodic indie RPG Deltarune received an update; this update, as I'm sure most reading are intimately aware, contained the latest addition to the Deltarune story—Chapter 5, subtitled "Festival Day." Chapter 5, in my humble opinion, was great—I'm still undecided on whether or not it's my favourite chapter thus far (it's got some pretty steep competition), but it's certainly up there. The music, particularly "Garden of Hopes and Dreams," was phenomenal; the art direction and landscapes were consistently breathtaking; the gameplay struck an incredibly nice balance between well-developed new mechanics and upping the difficulty on mechanics of old, and the writing and new characters, though a personal sticking point, were still fun, serviceable and, at times, thought-provoking. However, I'm not here to talk about Deltarune Chapter 5; I'm here to talk about yuri. Thankfully for us, Chapter 5, prior to the Dark World in Flower King, had plenty of yuri to offer; let me tell you, this was, bar none, my favourite part of the entire chapter.

    The scene, albeit short, involved two characters—troubled school bully Susie and quietly hurting goody-two-shoes Noelle Holiday—finally deciding to act upon their sapphic will-they-won't-they teased relentlessly throughout the game's first four chapters. The scene was nothing short of beautiful, and I'll admit that it left me crying like a baby; this ship meant a lot to me, and to see it so gracefully accepted into canon after eight long years seemed to break something in me. Truthfully, I'd planned on writing an ILU issue about Susie and Noelle a week or two before Chapter 5 released—it was one of my most anticipated issues, honestly—but I'm glad I waited, because we're eating good tonight. Let's talk a little about the history of Suselle, why it means so much to me and tons of other Deltarune fans around the world, how the two characters are written and what their relationship means for the rest of Deltarune. I'll be spoiling the entire game up to this point indiscriminately, so be careful if you haven't gotten around to it yet and wish to. Don't be sorry if you have to skip this one—after all, there are seemingly new yuris to enjoy every single day...

Holy cheese and crackers...
(Also, this article is about the normal route. Trust me, I've a lot to say about Side B, but that's for another time.
That damn lake, am I right? Noelle just can't catch a break from it.)

    First of all, I'd like to properly introduce both halves of the pair, beginning with Noelle. Noelle Holiday, while a seemingly innocuous character, is arguably the centrepiece of Deltarune's plot—I'd venture to describe her as the game's beating gay heart. First of all, she's player character Kris's childhood friend, and though the two had seemingly drifted apart sometime before we assumed control of Kris's body (as did both of their families—sorry, Tenna), their relationship seemed to naturally repair itself with our unsolicited help. Secondly, she's the daughter of Carol Holiday, the mayor of Hometown (where the story takes place)—this means that her mother is often busy with work, and seeing as Noelle's much more present father, Rudy, has recently been hospitalized and has fallen (perhaps terminally) ill, her relationship with her mother has grown quite strained. Factoring in her missing older sister, December (or Dess), Noelle has been alone without anyone to protect her for a while—a fact which Rudy quietly despairs over while bedridden—and given her meek nature (made worse by the constant social pressure of keeping up her academic performance and being the mayor's perfect role-model daughter), she finds herself increasingly unable to fend for herself, opting to run from her problems by acting cheery all of the time, pretending to forget that she misses Dess and playing Dragon Blazers (an in-universe adaptation of Deltarune's prophecy, which is the centrepiece of Hometown's religion) by her father—her only remaining source of comfort—'s hospital bedside.

    Then we come to Susie. We don't know a lot about Susie before the plot of Deltarune, save for the fact that she moved a lot and implicitly had a poor home life—a home life that seemingly hasn't improved, given her constant attempts to sleep anywhere but her apartment (whether it be at the Dreemurr household or the school's supply closet Dark World) and refusal to speak to her parents unless absolutely necessary (a line she draws much more liberally than most would). As Susie recalled to Tenna at the end of Chapter 3, her constant moving from town to town led her to emotionally withdraw from both every place she'd ever lived and everyone person she'd ever met; to protect herself from being picked on as the chronic "new kid," she took to bullying, violence, and a detached, cruel sense of ironic humour that, while protecting her from being made fun of, only served to further isolate her from her peers, resulting in a girl that felt as though she had been cruelly discarded from society. This pattern continued when Susie moved to Hometown, and even by Chapter 5, it's safe to say that Susie only has a few positive relationships here; Toriel Dreemurr, who comforted Susie and treated her to lunch at QC's Diner after she found Susie crying alone in the graveyard sometime before the events of Chapter 1; Kris Dreemurr, who she bonded with after accidentally discovering and adventuring through the school's supply closet Dark World together, and Noelle Holiday, who lent her a candy-cane-themed pencil one day in school (a bold departure from the "you Suz, you lose" treatment Susie was used to getting from her classmates). By Chapter 2, after bonding with Kris and abandoning her violent ways with the encouragement of Ralsei, she begins to come out of her shell a little bit more—and it's at this point that Susie finally crosses paths with Noelle for real.

    It's a well-established fact within Deltarune's narrative that Noelle has had a crush on Susie for about as long as Susie's been in town—there's no dialogue to suggest that Noelle has ever had eyes for anyone else, both before or after Susie arrived in Hometown. This crush is signalled directly to the player when Noelle abruptly stops Kris and Susie from visiting the supply closet Dark World by offering Susie a box of chalk (Susie's favourite snack) and inviting her to study with herself and Berdly in Hometown's "librarby," where, unbeknownst to them all, another Dark World awaits. Susie seems to catch on to the romantic undertones of Noelle's invitation—noting, in particular, her blushing and stammering—but seems to either think better of the whole thing or deliberately pretend to misunderstand in front of Kris, worrying aloud that Noelle is onto their adventures in the Dark Worlds (which, to Susie's credit, Noelle did come alarmingly close to discovering by accident). Now that we've established the plights of both characters, let's examine how and why their relationship works, in the same order—starting with Noelle, then moving onto Susie.

    Noelle's crush on Susie, while seemingly just a cute bit of comedy and levity, is incredibly telling of a lot of aspects of her character. It's safe to say that Noelle admires Susie because she's unapologetically strong, mean and confident, or, in other words, because she's everything that Noelle isn't. It's not hard to see exactly why Noelle would want a girl like this in her life—Noelle is used to someone, whether it be Rudy or Dess, sticking up for her when she can't stick up for herself, and now that one's bedridden and the other is missing respectively, the prospect of having a girlfriend who would defend her from the increasingly suffocating troubles of her day-to-day life seems incredibly appealing to her. It reads to me that Noelle is perhaps most directly seeking a substitute for Dess. Susie is often seemingly erroneously associated with Noelle and Dess within the narrative's internal logic, particularly in her shared usage of the song "Lost Girl," a song originally associated only with the daughters of the Holiday family, as well as a scene in Chapter 4 where Susie casually breaks into Dess's room (which became forbidden to outsiders after her disappearance) and takes her iconic guitar to play it for Noelle, who, upon her mother coming home and discovering the ordeal, frantically explains to her that she "just wanted to hear someone play it again." Noelle, who, according to her own confession to Kris in Cyber City, is fine with being scared if it means that someone (referring to Dess) would comfort her afterwards, views Susie's outwardly cruel and sadistic displays of strength to be comforting to the point where, as we learn in Chapter 5 if the party returns to the church after the events of Chapter 4, Noelle would gladly accept becoming a victim of Susie's torment if she was, for whatever reason, unable to become her girlfriend. Anything that reminds Noelle of her older sister—even if it's painful or scary to her—comforts Noelle, and, in my reading, that's exactly why Noelle is so infatuated with Susie.

     Similarly, the fact that Susie is even willing to give Noelle a chance is not only indicative of a lot of fascinating things about her character, but it's actively tied to the progress of her character development. For example, in Chapter 1, Susie is as mean as she ever was—for reasons we have already gone over—and, as such, she's entirely disconnected from Noelle past the incredibly low bar of not bullying the shit out of her (for reasons we've already gone over). This isn't to say that their relationship isn't relevant to the plot at all, mind you—quite the opposite, given that Noelle asks Kris for information about Susie near the end of the chapter—this is a uniquely "Susie-side" development, and it's tied directly to the fact that she, at this point, is deathly afraid of letting anyone into her life. Following the lowering of her proverbial shield by the end of Chapter 1, Susie seems to be more inclined to socialize the following morning in Chatper 2; she arrives to class on time specifically to see Kris, waits for them outside of the classroom after they sleep through the entire school day, and immediately takes them to the closet Dark World (where the two bump into Noelle, as previously mentioned.)After being exiled from Castle Town by Ralsei until Kris and Susie work on their school project (something they easily could fake doing, as Ralsei has no means of entering the Light World, as explained at the beginning of Chapter 3), Susie arrives at the library to study with Noelle and Berdly, courtesy of a conveniently formed traffic jam. As we all know, this doesn't go according to plan—Noelle and Berdly are wrapped up in a Dark World, requiring Susie and Kris to carefully extract them under the pretense that they were all in a dream—but, with newfound confidence, Susie tightens her bond with Noelle (and, begrudgingly, Berdly). Though Susie is only in the Light World for a couple of minutes in Chapter 3 (thanks, Kris), the anecdote she tells to Tenna in an attempt to give him hope for the future after being discarded in a way similar to herself seems to help her come to terms with her own feelings, as in Chapter 4, Susie is not only more willing to socialize—she begins to actively pursue Noelle romantically, seemingly catching feelings during the events of Chapter 2, and by Chapter 5, the two go on their first date. Susie is an incredibly dynamic character, and her willingness to soften up—symbolized by gaining an interest in healing magic in Chapter 2 and silently increasing the power of her healing spell over the course of each chapter, in correspondence with her character development—is directly linked with her willingness to pursue her relationship with Noelle. Getting attached is scary for Susie; she's been the "new kid" all her life, and who's to say that Susie won't just move away in a month or two, anyway? To unlearn this fear and tackle her problems head on by letting herself be soft and sentimental for a change is Susie's primary struggle in Deltarune, and the better she gets at it, the further her relationship with Noelle, the most meek and mushy character in the entire cast, progresses. For Noelle, loving Susie is easy; for Susie, loving Noelle is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges she's faced in her life.

    Like all romances in real life, each member of the relationship is in it for separate reasons. Those reasons may overlap—Noelle wants someone strong like Susie, and Susie wants someone soft like Noelle—but they're never fully in sync. It's often the case that how the motivations of each member of a relationship interact and evolve over time are the deciding factor in whether or not two people are (or remain) compatible. Thankfully for these two girls, they've both got a lot to learn from one another. As I suggested earlier, Noelle is seemingly attracted to Susie based on Susie's strength reminding her of Dess—however, as I'm sure a few of you noted upon reading that claim, Noelle doesn't only love Susie because she reminds her of Dess, even if that may be what caught her eye in the beginning. It seems to me that Noelle enjoys Susie's company because Susie teaches her how to be strong, particularly in learning to stand up for herself—something she learns from her experience with the ever-controlling and never-listening Queen in Chapter 2 (a clear metaphor for Noelle's relationship with her own mother)—which she would have never been able to do without Susie's example. Since Chapter 2, Noelle has applied these lessons from Susie in numerous areas in her real life; after following some additional examples set by Susie in Chapter 4, Noelle was finally able to both reject Berdly's romantic advances on both herself and Susie and stand up to Carol by ignoring her incessant phone calls pertaining to Noelle going on a date with Susie during Hometown's festival (of course, that's not what those phone calls were actually about, but that's not relevant here). Similarly, and as explained before, the mere act of Susie dating Noelle is a testament to her increasing ability to let herself get attached to others. I find it incredibly sweet that, while Susie had to set an example for Noelle in order for her to eventually act bravely on her own, all Noelle had to do to help Susie was exist nearby. This is especially cute if you remember that Susie was initially uninterested in Noelle romantically—how the tables have turned, right?

    Additionally, Noelle and Susie both use these lessons on each other in the mere act of publicly being together in a town like Hometown; while not an explicitly predominately conservative town (there are other gay couples around like the Royal Guards and the yet-to-get-together Ms. Alphys and Officer Undyne, both reprising their gay relationships from Undertale; Kris is non-binary and no-one seems to question it at all; etc.), the town's small population size, hostile attitude toward newcomers (like Susie), heavy emphasis on religion (the town's church is directly next to town hall, for fuck's sake) and creepily high amounts of townsfolk pretending Dess never existed if they aren't directly related to her adds up to, to say the least, an oppressive atmosphere for a young lesbian couple. It is Susie's strength and Noelle's compassion that allows such a relationship to exist regardless of what the outside world thinks—perhaps best represented by Susie defiantly making a demonstration out of holding Noelle's hand upon being accosted by Catti for causing Noelle to "[slip] into darkness" in Chapter 5—which is a powerful symbol that I'm sure many young queer people find impactful and inspiring, particularly given how things have been for queer people around the world lately.

    One of my favourite aspects of Deltarune is that it essentially gives players a tutorial in deciphering symbolism. In the world of Deltarune, if a Dark Fountain is created inside of a room, causing the room to be darker than darkness itself, a twisted form of light will begin create a new world—a Dark World—and animate previously inanimate objects inside of the room. This means that every wacky character the player faces within the Dark Worlds—friend or foe—is an abstracted version of an object in Hometown that they can later track down (which is to say that every character the player faces is symbolic of something, and the game actually tells players what each character symbolizes if they care enough to check). Queen, in her constant yet futile attempts to understand human behaviour and cater to their misjudged needs and desires, is symbolic for internet content algorithms (itself internally symbolic for overbearing mothers (it's complicated lol))—and, as such, is represented in the Light World by a laptop; Mr. "Ant" Tenna, in being an eccentric and extravagant game-show host who wants constant attention, is symbolic for the dying medium of television (itself internally symbolic for people with abandonment issues)—and, as such, is represented by a dusty, unplugged CRT; so on, and so forth. This is all to make you understand that Deltarune directly trains its players in the art of decoding symbolism—likely because Deltarune is "chalk" full of symbolism that it doesn't spell out for the player, all of which are vital to understanding its characters and themes; for example, Ferris wheels.

    Ferris wheels (commonly associated with romance in popular culture) first appear as a symbolic motif in Chapter 2, where Noelle comments on a poster of a Ferris wheel in Cyber City, saying that it reminds her of the Ferris wheel at the festival. She asks Kris if they think Susie would ride a Ferris wheel with her, to which the player can speak through Kris and tell her that she would, wouldn't, or that they would (if you pick anything other than "Susie would," you will not see the light of heaven). This is foreshadowing for the iconic cutscene at the tail-end of Queen's Mansion later on in the chapter, where, after successfully convincing Noelle that the Dark World is a dream, with no other choice, Susie accompanies Noelle on a Ferris wheel ride across the water and over to the Fountain. This moment is a landmark one for the two, as it's the first time they're both alone for long enough to even consider flirting with one another. For Susie, it's a little awkward; for Noelle, it's (quite literally) a dream come true. The two half-flirt for a while, and both come out of the experience thinking upon it positively—however, when Noelle wakes up in the Light World, she begins to forget the experience, under the impression that it was nothing but a wish-fulfilling dream of hers. At this point, Ferris wheels are associated with childlike and ultimately unrealistic depictions of love and romance, and seeing as the Ferris wheel ride is the closest the two girls had gotten up to that point, it instantly associates Noelle getting in a relationship with Susie with those same negative attributes. After the two grow closer throughout Chapter 4 (in response to Susie's character development in Chapter 3), Susie proclaims to a furious Carol that she's going to take Noelle to the festival happening tomorrow—bringing us back to the festival imagery the Ferris wheel was initially associated with. Finally, in the beginning of Chapter 5, the two go on their first date—accompanying one another to the festival—and are able to ride the Ferris wheel together in real life. It's a small, quick and insignificant moment—a tiny, hastily scribbled and easily discarded sentence in the smallest margin of the grand tapestry of Chapter 5—but its symbolic relevance is great and vast.

    The progression of this motif is just one example of the wider notion that Susie and Noelle's relationship culminates emotionally with their date at the festival, and I chose to tell you about this motif specifically because of how unceremoniously it resolves itself. This is evidence of one of the sweetest parts of Noelle and Susie's relationship, at least in my opinion—how natural it feels. This may just be in part due to the fact that Toby Fox is scarily good at writing lesbians (I did not mean for both issues of ILU so far to be related to himedanshis, but oh well), but their relationship is played incredibly casually throughout Deltarune. The lake scene in Chapter 5 (the Suselle one, you sick fuck) is about as much screen-time as the couple has received in an exclusively, undeniably romantic context—the song that plays during that scene is even titled "I Guess I'm in Love." She guesses. The two are seemingly so intimately comfortable with one another that the fact that they're in a relationship seems boring and insignificant, even when, as I have demonstrated, that couldn't be further from the truth. It's an incredibly realistic depiction of romance, and, all in all, it couldn't have made me happier.

    As Deltarune marches toward its final two chapters, Noelle seems to be joining the party for good (if the end credits of Chapter 5 are anything to go by); however, the relationship eight years in the making seems to be the quiet narrative thread holding this entire story together. It seems to me that, given how uncompromisingly positive the two's relationship has been thus far, dark clouds overhead foretell an oncoming storm; the phone call that abruptly ended the two's first date seems to be the first sign of a drastic paradigm shift for the couple in the future (sound familiar...?). I wouldn't be surprised if these girls are in for a bad time, and, if you want my opinion (without getting too much into my own personal theories on the narrative's future), it seems that letting Noelle in on the secrets of the Dark Worlds is the catalyst that will ultimately destroy the happy ending that this story could have had. Let's not think about that now, though. After all, like Fox said himself, "Let's turn around and watch the sun, before it goes down completely."

-Kim

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Otapocalypse (KYN #G4)

 

 

 

 

 

    Yuuuup. That's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation. Well, I need to take you back. Back, like, a few hours since my last post. The world moves so fast...

    Hey, all, and welcome to the first ever guerrilla issue of Kimbahly YouTube Newsletter. This is being written the night of July 1st (technically, early July 2nd). I wish I'd come on better news; unfortunately, that's not how things are playing out. To be upfront with you—long story short, the Otachan video has essentially collapsed in on me. The video is now being substantially altered to reflect new developments in the story. To summarize, a user known as OtachanPlease or HemtaiBussy69 (someone I've had something of a personal history with, though I doubt they'd recognize me now) has come out with a Google document that serves to, among other things, expose nearly a decade of alleged scams run by Yusef Iqbal of OtakuVS. The document accuses Iqbal of intentionally scamming his Patrons on Patreon by promising overly-ambitious products, only to run off with the money and come up with an excuse. Inside evidence from OtachanPlease seems to indicate that this has been going on for years—at the earliest, since 2019. At this time, I am not making any definitive claims on Iqbal's guilt, nor his innocence; additionally, I am not validating the claims of the document by bringing it up—at this time, more research on my end is desperately needed. This is how I will be spending the next few days of my life, unfortunately. You can find the document here and be the judge for yourself. Additionally, if anything is to happen to this document, I've archived the current version by saving it to my PC as a PDF; feel free to ask me for that file at any time.

    So... what does this mean for the video? Well, thankfully, the threads I'd need to pull on to bring this issue up are already present within the script, which means I'm not totally starting from square one, and I'm incredibly thankful that this news plays perfectly into my thesis—though more research is needed, I'd like to thank OtachanPlease for supplying these sources. I've currently gotten OtachanPlease lined up for an interview taking place sometime next week; we'll see how that goes. Previously, the script had been running on what information was publicly available—it is now obvious to me that such surface-level research will not suffice. The last thing I want to do is tell an incomplete story, and it now seems that I'm unable to trust OtakuVS at their word; frankly, I've got some work to do. This will likely change the video's contents dramatically—in particular, a segment following the halfway point (subtitled "Otapocalypse") will see drastic updates. I'm currently unable to speak on how this will impact the video's release date I floated around just hours ago, but it seems that this is delaying the project's completion substantially (again).

    Though this has been something of a frightening experience (as I said, I've never had a video of mine collapse in on me like this before), I think I'm going to come out of it with a better project overall. As I said, this situation plays basically directly into my overall thesis, and for that, I'm most grateful; this could have easily been a situation in which I had to overhaul my entire argument, or even scrap the video entirely if I couldn't come up with anything. Once again, I'd like to thank OtachanPlease for their near immediate willingness to help me out here. Until that interview, the script is basically being put on hold—in the meantime, I'll be researching. For now, though, I want to go to bed; this has been something of an endless night. Be sure to check in on my Bluesky every now and then for more live updates. Even if I've lost some sleep over this (and will probably lose more attempting to rectify it), I'm glad it happened. See you soon. (Also, about SQZ—sorry! Kinda got wrapped up in this. It may or may not come out; I'm, um, a little busy, if you couldn't tell. See ya!)

-Kim 

Otachan Delay and Patreon Announcement (KYN #3 - July 2026 Edition)

    Hi, and welcome to the July 2026 edition of Kimbahly YouTube Newsletter. You know the drill by now; first and foremost, let's talk Otachan. Unfortunately, I've bad news. I'll be upfront with you in that June was a much slower month for the video than I'd hoped it'd be; truthfully, I'm still wrapping up the scripting process, which, given the figures I supplied last month, is not good. Let's talk about that first.

    At the time, those figures were accurate. However, they was based on the pace I'd set in May, and that pace didn't hold the way I thought they would. Between now and then, I truly thought I was done with the video's script for a good minute—the t's were crossed and the i's were dotted, all ready to get into recording and editing after I sent it out for peer review for rectification of any glaring errors—but, upon one final personal inspection, there were so many things that I wanted to adjust when it came to style, wording, presentation and tone, combined with some new developments in the OtakuVs story (most notably a new YouTube video titled "The End of OtakuVs," which, contrary to its title, is a merchandise advertisement—but you'll hear more about that in the video proper, as I do have a bit to say), and finally, a couple of small but important factual errors (one of which regarding inexplicably incorrect dates that somehow made it into May's newsletter—fixed now) that I essentially decided to delay the video right there. 

    These changes may seem trivial, and it may seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I assure you that they are absolutely vital to getting my point across, as well as just a personal investment in assuring that every video of mine hits a certain standard of quality when it comes to writing. This is necessary work if I want this video to come off the way I want it to, and when I'm dealing with a critical analysis of a deeply personal and ongoing project that is likely to be viewed by its subjects, that's a high priority for me. I really don't want this video to come across the wrong way. However, these revisions also means that the video is being 'delayed,' as mentioned prior, though my estimated release really isn't too far off from what I said last month; I could possibly squeeze it out in July, and I'll definitely try, but August is more likely. We'll see more about that next newsletter, if applicable. Frankly, the temptation to cram is strong here; I seem to just naturally be that kind of girl. However, as I keep trying to remind myself, the only people who will inevitably notice me working overtime on this video are those I care about. At best, it'll play the same no matter how fast I make it; at worst, it'll be obviously rushed. That is the last thing I want. If I rush this thing out, everyone suffers, and I'll be unhappy with the result basically forever. I'll be taking my time with this; I hope you understand. Be sure to follow my Bluesky for updates on when this script is done—I'm hoping for sometime this July. Recording will be swift, and editing is just a big chipping-away job I'd expect a few weeks on that, maybe, but it's hard to say. TLDR: Otachan video's script is being revised heavily, release date is impacted. Sorry, but I hope you understand my thought process here.

    Next up, last newsletter, I promised you that I'd supply some updates on future videos, which I said I'd moved most of my creative manpower towards. Well, here are some details. I'm still currently undecided on which of these I'm going to follow through on (I'd like to produce all of them at some point), but like last time, these are all in the "pondering my orb" stage. Don't take them too seriously. Here's an internet-friendly numbered list, in no particular order. All titles are subject to change.

1.  "Media About Girls Who Kill People." - This one's been on my mind for, like, a year (maybe more, honestly). At its core, the video is to be a feminist analysis of media involving feminine angst expressed in the form of excessive on-screen violence. A "girl who kills people" is a pretty well-defined classification in this video, and I won't bore you with the details here, but it isn't, like, Pamela Voorhees—think of some classic "good for her" films involving murder of some sort. This one's pretty heavy to write about (and yes, I have started writing it, though it's been so long now that I probably need to start over), given that, as it stands, it collectively features discussions of misogyny (obviously), sexual abuse, cannibalism, incest, all sorts of stuff—still, though, I think it's a very interesting topic, and this is sort of my "dream video." You probably won't see it soon (definitely not immediately following Otachan) but you will some day, and when that day comes, I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to recommend me something to discuss at my Bluesky, Tumblr or at sonicsegajp@gmail.com.
2. "Why Are Anime Piracy Sites Like That?" - A video inspired by Dead Chat Is Ded* by Eron Rauch (who I held a brief correspondence with over this video months ago—a lovely guy), this video will explore the online communities formed around anime piracy sites. For the gist of this one, I'd recommend checking out Dead Chat Is Ded*, as the works are essentially operated on the same premise—however, they operate in different eras. Rauch's work presents more like an elegy for the community of a bygone era of weeb history, assessing the slow rise and fall of a particular site in a particular time, while my work aims to assess the current state of the anime piracy industry. As Rauch told me himself, "But where I leave off is the question of who starts using bootleg anime sites once you can pay ~$7 for Crunchy and another ~$10 for Netflix and get most content in borderline simulcast seems keen. Watchers in 2026 almost assuredly have a different suite of motivations and inhabit different places on the internet. I'm not sure about the veracity, but I had heard through the industry that some of the biggest bootleg sites [prior to being taken down] would sometimes have more daily anime viewing hours than the legit sites. But on the flip side, 2026 sees an anime industry struggling with low wages and crunch, still not profiting from all this mega global success." This is where I come in. In even a cursory search of forums attached to a single piracy site, I was greeted with a post praising the leadership of Adolf Hitler; digging deeper, I found a great amount of transphobia, homophobia, ableism, racism and, for lack of a better term, incel shit. It's my aim to examine where this community comes from, how it's being sustained, and how it impacts the anime industry along with its own users. Thanks, Crunchyroll. (That's not legally actionable, right?)
3. "The Anime Old West." - Inspired by Hazel M.'s The Anime Countryside, this video is an examination of a hand-full of anime set in or inspired by the American west in the 1800s (or, more specifically, the western genre and all the baggage that comes with it). This one's fun, but it's probably the least developed idea of all present here. Ultimately, I aim to explore the history of the western genre, the themes it often touts and why the fuck any of that was adapted into anime. More on this one later, maybe. This is a thinly-veiled excuse to dress up like a cowgirl for a video. Maybe I can use Marty Robins's Big Iron? Well, I wouldn't want to mess up the pacing... Plus, with any long segment, it'd need to be licensed properly... how much is that...? I probably don't even want to know...
4. "Scott Pilgrim (Is a Woman.)" - This one is another I've been wanting to work on for a while (and was actually a pretty good candidate for my first video. In this video, I argue that the main character of the Scott Pilgrim comics, Scott Pilgrim (imagine that), is a closeted transgender woman. This is an interpretation of the work that, while most certainly unintentional, is incredibly captivating to me and explains a lot about the series in a very neat way. While starting with the notion that this reading is purely fun speculation, I hope to analyze the way Scott Pilgrim treats its female characters, the way Pilgrim is characterized throughout his precious little life, and the underlying inspirations behind the series that drive me toward this conclusion. It's a pretty well-known fact that I don't like Scott Pilgrim very much (it's something of my "nemesis" series, if I had one) but I'm willing to put that aside to speak my truth, and also talk about Utena a little. (P.S., note that I haven't seen Takes Off, won't be taking into consideration the film adaptation, nor either game. (I like the first game, though.) P.P.S., be on the look-out for an ILU issue about Scott Pilgrim someday.)

     Anyway, I've a few more videos in mind, but these are the ones you should know about going into the future. I hope to produce all of these at some point, but who knows—the only one I can basically guarantee I'm going to make is the one about anime piracy sites, since I basically sealed my fate when I told Rauch about it and got him all excited. "It sounds like you've got a lot of great threads to pull together into your video and I'm excited to see the final product"? Yeah, uh... no pressure... haha...

    Next, let's follow up on my Patreon. Last month, I floated the idea of starting one up as a way to finance my efforts both here and on YouTube. After gauging some interest, it seemed like people would be willing to pay at least $1 a month for what I do right now, and that was greatly encouraging. Still, I had a lot to think about (that post was more of a philosophical discussion about the nature of accepting such money from an audience, so that's to be expected). Still, I'm happy to announce that, after much deliberation, you can now give me money on Patreon. Sweet! It's pay what you want—as I said, minimum is $1 USD a month—and any amount of money gets you every single perk. As some minor incentive, there are a few benefits—you get all of my YouTube videos a week early (and they're all ad-free and uncensored (if they had to be censored to begin with)), you get to ask questions for postmortem QnA's to be published on a second channel (inspired by Hazel M.'s system, which I really like), and, finally, the obligatory "added to credits." I like Patron credits, they're cool and give the video some weight. These benefits, while rad and awesome, are in no way meant to tempt you to donate—do that if you want to support me, not for anything else—but hopefully they make that decision go down a little easier. Go here to find my page. I'm not necessarily expecting anyone to donate as of yet (truthfully, I don't even have my bank information set up... I'll do it when someone actually gives money, I suppose), and shit's bad financially for basically everyone right now, so save your money if you've got to, but if you've got spare funds and think I deserve them, I'd really appreciate it. Donating makes the continuation of my projects possible. If, one day, this becomes my job, I'd be very, very happy.

     As implied earlier, I was actually a little scared to open this Patreon. I mean, do I deserve it? If you haven't noticed, it's been a little quiet on this blog—in all of June (at the start of which I explicitly promised to get back on track and threatened altering my schedule if I couldn't find myself able to) I wrote a staggering two articles. Wow! With that, I was a little hesitant to come back swinging with this of all things. There's a reason I put this at the bottom of the article... June was a bit of a "break month" for me. I'm happy I was able to get out an issue of In Lilium for some pride festivities, but, on the whole, I'm not too bothered by my lack of work on this blog. I've got four KQS issues in the making, three SQZ issues and more; with some time, I'll get back on my feet; it's just that outside arrangements got in the way, and I didn't have as much time as I thought I would going into the month. Even if I'm not personally bothered by this blog's inactivity, and I'm sure you don't, like, SUPER care, I still feel a little guilty immediately asking for money. It really was a sort of ethical dilemma, in my mind—is opening this bad? is now a bad time...? I've thought about this a lot. After some consideration, I found that I shouldn't undervalue my work like this; I deserve to have the opportunity to be paid for my labor, even if I can't produce as much as I'd like to sometimes. This kind of thing is what my philosophy when it comes to this sort of thing is built in consideration for; I wholly believe that my audience should be the ones determining how much I'm paid, so the best I can do is set up the infrastructure and, as the kids say, lock in. From this point on, I'm committed to maintaining this blog with the best writing I can offer to you. Maybe with some money, I'll be able to sustain this better—but that's not your problem, it's mine. The best I can do is work hard and let you decide what I deserve for it.

    Well, that's about all I've got for you. As per obligation, an issue of SQZ will be uploaded later today, so keep your eyes peeled for that in this blog's first ever DOUBLE FEATURE; speaking of double features, the next TVT is going to be delayed by a day; Saturday (when the broadcasts nigh-invariably occur) is July 4th, and I, quite begrudgingly, am going to be busy basically all day. As such, the stream is delayed until the 5th, and the article the 6th. Don't worry, though—this one's good. Also, they should make a bullet hell game themed around fireworks. Game Jam-ers, get on this. Toodles!

-Kim 

"Bmblb," or Jeff Williams: Himedanshi Supreme (ILU #1)

     RWBY is a show that has ceaselessly perplexed me, from the day I discovered it to the very second I write this sentence. If you've been a denizen of the general online weeb scene at any time in the last ten years or so, you've no doubt heard of it; the child of the late Monty Oum and originally helmed by fallen internet media titan RoosterTeeth, RWBY, though often and ever-increasingly viewed negatively by critics and audiences alike, was such a distinct product of late 2000s and early 2010s machinima and weeb culture that it effectively became the culmination of both of them, standing tall now as one of the English-speaking internet's dominant cultural exports—perhaps best exemplified by RWBY officially crossing the pond with its loose anime adaptation, RWBY: Ice Queendom. All of this is to say that, in certain circles, RWBY is nearly inescapable, and though I've quite a lot of hopelessly complicated thoughts and feelings surrounding it, I'm, at the very least, able to appreciate just how much love and care went into the project, as well as just how far it has come. This is to affirm to you that, within this article, I am not coming at RWBY with even a hint of bad faith. Instead, know that this article is a love letter to a very specific moment in RWBY history, involving one song, two anime girls, and the internet.

    The fact that I'm writing this article is a bit of a miracle in and of itself. I don't like a lot about RWBY—I don't like the animation, I don't like the writing, I think the show was always quite poorly thought out, et cetera. However—and, once again, this should tell you a lot given how much I'm able to complain about this show—one thing that I will absolutely go to bat for is its music—specifically, Jeff Williams (and later Ok Goodnight)'s highly memorable vocal tracks for the series, used for openings, endings and needle drops throughout the project. Each song is very clearly lovingly crafted; the soundtrack ranges a variety of genres and moods; the lyrics inexplicably seem to understand the show's themes better than the show itself does; Jeff can play guitar like a motherfucker, and it's nothing short of delightful to observe vocalist (and Jeff's kid) Casey Lee Williams's refinement of their craft throughout their time on the project. Another thing I love about RWBY, in a shock to all In Lilium readers, is the yuri—both canon and fanon. RWBY fans probably know where I'm going with this right about now.

    One of my favourite songs across the entire RWBY soundtrack is "bmblb," a fun, punchy, yet enigmatic song on Volume 4's soundtrack. The track is strange in that it never once appeared in the show, which should raise some suspicions, right? I mean, if it was never, would never and was never intended to be used in the show, why, exactly, was it being included on a RWBY soundtrack album? I mean, it isn't like Jeff was mystically incapable of releasing music independent from the show, right? Why is this here?

    This question thoroughly stumped RWBY fans across the internet when the song was first unveiled, with many debates unfolding surrounding "bmblb"'s meaning (here's a Reddit thread from the time showcasing a variety of fan interpretations). It was evidently a love song, but unlike the other love songs Jeff had written for the show, there was no clear narrator or subject to be found in the lyrics—and, obviously, the show was little help in providing answers. Some fans (perhaps jokingly) speculated that the song's title was meant to allude to lead character Yang Xiao Long's motorcycle, named "Bumblebee," and that the song was, in fact, narrated by Yang, with the song's mysterious recipient being Bumblebee, in a humorous twist on conventional love songs. Some fans, though, had a different idea. On June's first issue of In Lilium (happy pride month, by the way), I beckon you to join me for a history lesson on "bmblb"'s development, my multi-day long Facebook source-locating espionage endeavour, the song's impact on the show and community, and how all of that ties into Jeff Williams becoming the greatest himedanshi to walk this Earth. 

By Ein Lee. This piece should be called "Beautiful T4T Couple(s) and Their Woke Dog."

    Currently, RWBY has nine seasons (dubbed 'Volumes'), with a tenth allegedly on the way—the fourth Volume, sitting roughly at the show's current halfway point, is, obviously, tits-deep in the narrative. RWBY had included similar songs to 'bmblb' in the past—most prolifically in Volume 2's soundtrack—but after the fall of Beacon in Volume 3—a prolonged battle with an absurd number of named participants, hosting the on-screen deaths of numerous important characters and a total disruption of the status quo with the destruction of the show's, to that point, primary setting—the tone of the show was irreversibly altered. Moving into Volume 4, a love song like those of days past would be woefully out of place, which makes sense, because "bmblb" was not only never planned to be included in the show—it was never planned to be on the soundtrack at all.

    So, how did this song come to be, then? Well, taking a quick glance at the trivia section of the song's article on the unofficial RWBY wiki, the editors state that "The song was not originally intended for the show or soundtrack, but was added last minute as an injury delayed the release of Volume 4's soundtrack, allowing time to compose the song", followed by a citation titled "Jeff William's post to RWBY Facebook group," linking to this post on "RWBY Family." Cool, I love it when people do my research for me. Let's just... Oh! Ha! Aha! It's, um, a private group! That's not good. That means that I can't tell what it says, which means that I can't verify anything about it—and I'll die before taking a fan wiki at its word (I'm still traumatized from the Terraria wiki). Normally, I'd ask to join with hopes of verifying the post (both in its existence and in its contents), but I don't have a Facebook account (long story short: I tried to make a personal account a year or two ago, they inexplicably perma-banned me within 50 seconds, haven't gone back), so that's a no-go. Well, this is really bad, but I've a few options—the most promising of which being contacting someone that I know for a fact is inside the group with a request of following the link and screenshotting the post, which they would then send my way. Of course, given that it's a private group, without being in it, I'm unable to see a list of members, so I'd have to get creative. Let's see... Who do I know for a fact, without checking, is in this group...? Well, Jeff Williams has to be in the group, given that he made the post, right? Easy, I'll just talk to him. Can you imagine how funny of a story that'd be? My article would be a HIT! So let's... just... uh... ah. It seems after a cursory search for any form of contact that the man is an utter ghost online. The only even potential leads in the name of contacting him were way too personal for my liking, so, as far as I'm concerned, the man doesn't exist. Good for him on avoiding the hassle; bad for me, who needs this article by Friday.

    Well, the next best thing is Casey Lee Williams, right? Sure, I've no clue if she's in the group, but if Jeff is in it, then Casey is likely not far behind, given how closely they used to work on RWBY, right? She's also quite active online, at least comparatively—so, with high hopes, I ventured to their website, and with a cheer and a smile, I see an e-mail address ... for Paul Sellier, Casey's manager. My smile fades instantly. Yeah, I'm not exactly keen on explaining this to somebody other than Casey before it's happened, especially not someone with the power to prevent it on a whim (something that, if it were to happen, would probably be justified, given how odd my request is)—this interaction between us would only be possible if I could directly speak with them, and without any other option but becoming a reply girl by leaving a comment on their social media posts (and making an utter fool of myself in the process), I solemnly gave up on speaking to Casey. Once again, good for them for not allowing randoms to initiate one-on-one contact at will; bad for me, who needs this article by Friday.

    With that, I was completely out of ideas—had I kept going, I may have thought of someone else who may be in the group and also may be easier to contact, but it'd certainly be someone with less staying power attached to their name, and while it'd still be nice, the funny anecdote I wanted was already blowing in the wind. Defeated, I thought of my next move—maybe trying to make another Facebook account, or, God forbid, taking the wiki at its word?—and, all the while, despaired to a few friends of mine over the fate of my article. This was a big source, and without being able to verify it, I straight up felt continuing my work on the piece impossible. A sad, bitterly disappointing end to what could have been something great ... then, it happened. My friend, Jasper, shockingly, had a Facebook account—as do many people. How the fuck hadn't I thought of this before!? Maybe it was just because I was in search of some sensationalistic story to add to my article, or maybe I was just plain stupid, but either way, they very kindly offered to infiltrate the group and screenshot the post for me. There was one problem—they weren't a RWBY fan, and, upon requesting to join, were immediately greeted with a questionnaire, designed specifically to block non-RWBY fans. Without my intervention, this very well could be the end for us. Three questions: your favourite RWBY character, Blake Belladonna's race (an important aspect of her character, for the uninitiated) and the current rights holder of RWBY as of July, 2024. This was the closest I'd gotten to finally being able to lay eyes on this post, and I wasn't going to let these assholes keep me from writing this stupid fucking article. So, with great haste, I fed Jasper the correct answers; the first one was easy (to lie about, that is), and I simply gave the name of a random character—Neon Katt, because her name is funny, and she's not a character someone who hasn't seen the show would know—the second was something everyone who has seen the show would know (she's a cat faunus), and Jasper searched up the answer to the last one—Viz Media—on their own. In the blink of an eye, Jasper sent in the application, and I anxiously awaited the results. Were our answers up to par? Would they find us out? I felt like Roy Campbell, guiding Solid Snake through Shadow Moses. To be honest with you, I was scared as shit. Thankfully, within a relative time-frame... the post was mine. Behold—to my knowledge, the only screenshot of this post on the internet. Enjoy.

Finally, the long search is over. I'll likely be adding this screenshot to the wiki in a few hours. I could easily link to this article for some shameless self-promotion, but I'm not THAT evil. It'd be a different story if I were running ads on the site, though. :skype evil grin:

    Just... take a moment to appreciate it for a second. It's so beautiful...

    Anyway, assuming you read through the whole post (go do that), we can reasonably assume that the new song Jeff speaks of in this post is "bmblb," and that paints a very funny picture—part of me believes that Williams should be crowned as one of the greatest himedanshis to ever do it purely for the act of, while injured and thoroughly out of commission, entirely of his own accord, going out of his way to painstakingly write The Lesbian Song™. Oh, yeah; we spent so long discussing my fight for this source that I've neglected to mention that I call it The Lesbian Song™ because "bmblb" is shockingly, astoundingly gay—specifically, sapphic.

    When you really break it down, as said earlier, "bmblb" is nothing but a love song. Of course, there were RWBY love songs before "bmblb"—"Dream Come True" is a certified hood classic—but "bmblb" is different in a very interesting way; it, to that point, was the only RWBY song to implicitly portray a homosexual relationship. Jeff absolutely did this on purpose—there's not one second for which I've ever believed that "bmblb"'s gayness was a freak coincidence. The song's vocals, performed by Casey, loosely indicate that the narrator is a woman, while certain lyrics propose the subject becoming the narrator's "queen;" the song is set in a garden filled with flowers, and though the exact type of flowers are left ambiguous, lily flowers are often used as symbols for romance between women in Japan (if this is news to you, I'm afraid you've got some work to do before reading this blog), and, finally, getting metatextual with it, the bees described within the song, along with the song's title, could possibly be a reference to "Bumbleby," the name of a popular fan-made romantic pairing of Yang Xiao Long and her teammate, Blake Belladonna—the name "Bumbleby" being derived from the combination of their respective symbolic colours (yellow and black) creating a bee-like pattern, along with some other RWBY-specific naming shenanigans that I won't get into for the sake of time. In isolation, each of these elements can be explained away with varying levels of plausibility—from most to least plausibly deniable: the flowers, the "queen," and the bees—but each element existing at the exact same time paints a portrait that, while not outwardly sapphic, certainly has, to put it lightly, a few sapphic undertones.

    As such, these allusions weren't even close to lost on RWBY's fan-base. While I can imagine many Bumbleby fans felt overjoyed at the realization, a lot of RWBY fans, for a variety of reasons (ranging from blatant homophobia, to feeling that the relationship was poorly developed in canon, to fears of queerbaiting), didn't take kindly to such a ship being represented in official material. Casey, seemingly in an attempt at damage control, went on record in 2018 to state that "I understand shipping, and I understand all the controversy that went on with 'bmblb,' but what everyone needs to understand is that all of these songs ... they're subjective, and you can think whatever you want about them ... you always have to know that when Jeff is writing these songs, he can write about whatever he wants ... Everyone has their own thoughts about ['bmblb'], but the truth is, you should not take everything literally ... just because a song is written doesn't mean it's canon." Similarly (though predating "bmblb" by a few months), Jeff, in an interview with MurderofBirds, animatedly proclaimed that "People! You need to get outside, like, for God's sake, go throw a frisbee for a dog or somethin', for the love of God! ... they wanna know if the songs are considered ... 'canon' ... and ... the truth is, I'm never literal. ... There's nothing to take literally. ... There's no line in a song that says, 'And then Ruby did this,' or, 'And then Weiss said that.' Like, I never fuckin' said a character's name in a song, y'know? It's just a coincidence, so get over it, y'know what I mean?" Such statements, sourced from both Casey and Jeff from both before and after "bmblb," represent a prolific problem within the RWBY fandom when it came to the show's music—fans taking lyrics literally to a fault, treating them as gospel when, in reality, they're highly figurative, general, and can easily be separated from the show. Later on in the interview, Jeff brought up the song "All Our Days" as an example, adding that, though it was a song from the RWBY soundtrack, it was originally written as a message from him to Casey, and that he purposely made it vague enough to allow listeners to be able to envision the subject of the song being anyone in their personal life. 

    While such thoughts are valuable and should absolutely be kept in mind when writing about RWBY's soundtrack, they seem to fall flat in relation to "bmblb." Jeff's audibly frustrated reaction, paired with Casey's PR-like addressing of the "bmblb" controversy, suggests that, while what they're saying is accurate, both of them are being quite defensive. Jeff and Casey are clearly happy with "bmblb," they've both said so themselves (in Casey's statement and Jeff's Facebook post, respectively), and, given how obviously the song was meant to reflect the Bumbleby ship, it's hard to imagine that they weren't at least a little hurt by the fandom's aggressive reaction. To me, this defensiveness indicates the opposite of what they likely intended it to—"bmblb" was absolutely about Yang and Blake, and though Jeff's writing of the song shouldn't be held as gospel (the song was included on such short notice that he hadn't even run through a creative consultation with RoosterTeeth prior to its release, according to Arryn Zech (Blake's English voice actor)), it still undeniably represented the ship in a way that select circles of the fandom were clearly not ready for. Still, the world carried on, and five Volumes later, Bumbleby fans would have their day as the romantic relationship between Yang and Blake they had been theorizing about for a decade officially manifested itself within the show. What song played as this moment unfolded? "Worthy," subtitled "Bmblb - Part II." Love wins, girls!

     Now, look—Bumbleby remains a controversial ship within the RWBY fandom to this day. Obviously, it has its fair share of homophobic detractors, briefly including Ruby Rose herself, but more common nowadays are fans who believe that the ship's canonization was but a spineless last-ditch effort at reconciling with Bumbleby fans, who felt like they had been queerbaited with the ship for years and years on end. To put it simply, it was too little, too late. I'm not going to touch upon that discourse extensively here—this article isn't about RWBY's handling of the two characters—but I can definitely see where these fans are coming from. Still, I believe that the impact and meaning of Bumbleby extends far beyond the show itself—for all I care, it could have never been canonized; it'd mean the exact same to me either way. The community that formed around it, at the end of the day, is far more valuable than anything the show could ever possibly give you, and while the ship being canon is, in any case, undeniably a massive win for Bumbleby fans, I think the sort of discontent many of the ship's biggest supporters hold in the face of the one thing they had wanted for years coming to fruition is truly indicative of just how little the canon status of ships truly matters. Ships are a communal venture—I don't feel much toward Bumbleby in RWBY, but I feel nothing but the highest of love for Bumbleby everywhere outside of it. The show does not get to constitute what Bumbleby is, even if the basis of Bumbleby comes from the show. While some fans seem to view "bmblb" as yet another example of the years-long tradition of the ship being chastely teased by the RWBY team, I see it as the work of a man who had every reason not to write the song—he was injured and exhausted, risked fan outcry, was already in a bad spot with the delay of the Volume 4 soundtrack album, and would be actively going against the wishes of the writers by taking it upon himself to release the song without their supervision—but he did it anyway, seemingly for nothing but the love of the game. I'm incredibly happy to see Bumbleby fans claiming "bmblb" as the ship's anthem—to me, there's no better ending to this saga than "bmblb" gaining the acclaim it rightfully deserves within the community. For all of this, I think that it's only right that we, as a community, crown Jeff Williams 'Himedanshi Supreme.' Let's go, lesbians. Go give "bmblb" a listen if you haven't in a while.

-Kim
Remember, "Bumblebee" is a motorcycle, "bmblb" is a song, and "Bumbleby" is two anime girls kissing.